Six things: Cope with the off-season

By Gary Walsh

The English Premier League is done and dusted; Barcelona has won the Spanish League and forced Real Madrid to go in search of salvation in the shape of The Special One; Internazionale are Serie A champions, with the Champions League trophy tucked away in the cabinet as well. Europe’s football season is over. But there’s plenty to keep you occupied until August

1: The World Cup

From June 11 until July 11, a goodly percentage of the world’s population will be staring at LED, LCD, plasma and good old cathode ray tube as 31 of international football’s best teams plus New Zealand do battle for the Jules Rimet Trophy. Favourites on the betting boards include Spain, Brazil, England and Argentina. The Kiwis? You can get 2000/1 on them winning the thing, but you wouldn’t even waste New Zealand money on that one. The scariest result has to be an Argentina victory, because manager Diego Maradona has declared he will run naked around Buenos Aires if they carry off the trophy.

2: Transfer rumours

Cesc Fabregas wants out, and even his dad has gone running to the Spanish newspapers to try to get him back to Barca. Fernando Torres wants out. Carlos Tevez wants out. Craig Bellamy wants out, but that’s not news after playing with 34 teams in six seasons or thereabouts. The silliest rumour of the silly season relates to NBA superstar LeBron James. A Washington Post columnist jokingly speculated that James might be keen on a switch of sports, and specified soccer and West Ham as a possible destination. The rumour even made it onto West Ham’s official website, which noted that James’ weekly salary would approach 200,000 pounds. The Hammers were either sucked in or played a neat little game of satire tit-for-tat on www.whufc.com. In either case, we don’t expect LeBron to be blowing bubbles in the East End any time soon.

3: Managerial changes

Jose Mourinho to Real Madrid seems a foregone conclusion, with England boss Fabio Capello being sought after to take the Inter Milan job after he loses to New Zealand on penalties in the quarter-finals at the World Cup. West Ham, with or without LeBron James, Israel Folau or any other prospective sport swapper, is looking for a manager after sacking Gianfranco Zola and appears certain to swap the smiling little Italian for the lugubrious Israeli Avram Grant, who has miraculously turned relegation with Portsmouth into something positive on his resume. Liverpool’s Rafa Benitez has been linked with every team in Europe except Liverpool.

4: Head to Scandinavia

Midnight sun and all that. The leagues in Norway, Sweden, Finland and Iceland (if Iceland has enough money left to have a league) play through the European summer, given that most of their pitches are covered in a few metres of ice in winter. How can you not love a competition that has a team named Odd Grenland, as Norway’s does?

5: Cricket

Peculiar things are happening in the world of cricket. England* is playing Bangladesh in a Test series that has pulses racing and Australia will be popping into the Old Country to play Pakistan on what is meant to be neutral soil. Neutral, schmeutral. There will be more Pakistanis in the crowd at Lord’s and Headingley than there would have been in Lahore and Karachi.

* By England, we mean a few English players plus five or so South Africans and an Irishman.

6: Pre-season tours

Boca Juniors and Everton are visiting Australia in the next couple of months. Boca will find the likes of Etihad Stadium a far cry from their fortress-like home ground in the gritty port suburbs of Buenos Aires, where 5000 visiting fans get to share one toilet, the opposition team has to emerge onto the pitch right in front of Boca’s worst hooligans and the heating in the visiting team’s dressing room is turned up on hot days and the air-con pumps overtime on cold ones. Now that’s how to play football.